Today, I’m going to share my devotional time with you. Funny how being snowed in, having all four children and my hubby home, the Lord leads me to read Proverbs 31:10-31 – thus P31 WOG – Proverbs 31 Woman of God!
10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
To be honest, sometimes I don’t even want to read this passage of scripture. It seems like quite a lot to live up to! Let’s see, this lady was not only an amazing wife and mother, she was a: manufacturer, importer, manager, realtor, farmer, seamstress, upholsterer and merchant. She had amazing abilities, strength and character. However, her value did not come from her achievements. Her strength and character came from her reverence for God. This passage of scripture list all that makes her beautiful, but it never once mentions her outward appearance. Her beauty comes from her character!
For many years of my life I really believed that this exact P31 WOG was what I was supposed to be. I was to be working all the time, doing everything without asking for help, always be strong. I had to have everything “perfect” for my husband; never a dirty piece of laundry, never a dirty dish, floor or bathroom, gourmet meals every night, always thinking and creating the “perfect” home. I believed that in order to be the woman God wanted me to be that my children had to always be “perfectly” dressed and perfect in appearance and behavior, never out of sorts. I wanted to DO EVERYTHING so that my family would be able to claim Proverbs 31:28-29 “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” I really believed that in order to be the woman that God wanted me to be, I had to be some kind of Super Woman! Truthfully, this is still a struggle for me at times.
For those of you that visited my home even three years ago, you knew that my house was always in perfect order! I would even have a mini panic attack if my neighbors knocked on my door and my house, kids or myself were not in “perfect” order. Well, if you knocked on my door this snowed in morning and came for a visit, what would you find? You would find all of us still in our jammies at almost lunch time, children’s rooms with covered floors, pillows & blankets spread out all over the living room, dirty dishes in the sink (even the pan from last night’s dinner still on the stove), piles of dirty laundry….I think you get the picture! I found a sign not too long ago that I love “Please excuse the mess, the children are busy making memories”!
Does that make me a failure as a P31 WOG? With years of maturity and a better understanding of what the Lord wants from me, I am still learning that the woman described in this passage is not the model of activities that I am to be; she is an inspiration to be all that I can be. There are not enough hours in the day to do all that is said in this scripture by one woman in just one 24 hour period. The Proverbs 31 woman is a life model; to be a woman of God that seeks to give her BEST to the family He has blessed her with. I am learning that being a P31 WOG is to take care of my family, their needs and to take good care of our home, but I am learning even more that taking care of their hearts is most important! My family does not need perfection; they need a wife and mom striving to be the best she can be in her devotion to the Lord first. They need for me to take care of all the ”things” in life, clean laundry matters; but what matters most is not only being the best I can be in work, but also being the best I can be in play and in rest!
So for today, as outside we have been hit with a historic Arkansas snow storm and the inside of our house looks like we have been hit by an F5 tornado, my prayer is that I will be a P31 WOG! I pray that I will be all that I can be, not by what I do, but by who I am! I pray that the Lord will help me meet the needs of my husband and children with excellence but meet the needs of their hearts first and foremost!
“Father God, please help me today to be the best wife and mother I can possibly be, the woman you created me to be. Help me to be the wife and mother that my family needs. Help me to let go of perfection and cling to participation in the lives of my husband and children. Please help me today to let go of the small ‘stuff’ and focus on helping to build their characters. Lord, help me to be an example that points my family directly to you. Help me to be a woman worthy of my amazing family!”
From my heart to yours,
Holly
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Hold Me Daddy!
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14
Wow – it’s funny how a few little words uttered from our three year old has me writing in a totally different direction than I had planned. We stayed home from church this morning because my honey & one of our little ones are sick. L In my Bible study this morning I was thinking about how blessed I am by my church family. Looking back over the years, joys and trials of my life; no matter where I have lived or what church family I have belonged to, my church family has always been such a solid strength in my life! I praise and thank God for my church family, my brothers and sisters in Christ! That’s the direction I thought I was writing in this morning but then something happened and I felt God say – time to get a little more personal!
What happened??? Benjamin Clarke happened!!!
This morning, Kip and I were sipping coffee, reading our bibles and enjoying hearing the children’s antics in the other room. Then our little Benjamin came running in, hopped in his daddy’s arms and said “Hold me daddy! Give me a big hug.”
I felt God speak to my heart and remind me of His miraculous and amazing grace in the life of our family. I am reminded of the story of Moses fleeing out Egypt. Exodus 13:17- 18a says “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” 18 So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea”.
Now imagine what might have happened if Moses had been listening to the people around him instead of God. I can just hear the conversation – “Moses, are you crazy? You’re going the wrong direction! There is a much shorter way! Come on, follow me! What are you thinking?........” Can’t you just imagine it? If Moses had listened to man’s wisdom instead of God’s, the Israelites would not have been trapped at the Red Sea with Pharaoh and his army at their heals. The parting of the red sea is one of my very favorite biblical events. “Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.” Exodus 14:21-22 I really can’t even begin to imagine what it was like to see the Red Sea begin to part! I’ve thought about that so many times. WOW! Then can you even fathom what it would be like to walk through a parted sea with all the creatures of the sea swimming beside you in the water? I think one of my favorite verses in this event is Exodus 14:18a “The Egyptians will know that I am the LORD”! God wanted the Israelites to go a different way; not the shortest or what they perceived to be the easiest way, because He had a plan to show His glory in and through the miracle of parting the Red Sea. It was His plan; not Moses’ plan, not the Israelites plan – God’s perfect plan!
So what does this have to do with the Clarke’s personal life, you might ask. Well, if you had told me four years ago that after having three biological children, that we would have a fourth via adoption; then that child would be born with serious complications and addictions to both drugs and alcohol; then that the baby would go on to actually die, placed on life support, be brought back and then life flighted to Arkansas Children’s Hospital; then that we would be told that baby would have life long brain damage and complications that would be extremely physically, emotionally and financially challenging; I think I might have said, “I don’t think so, I’m not strong enough.” My plan would have been to simply have a fourth child the good old fashion way and just continue life as usual. But what would I have missed? His Plan – God’s perfect plan! Our family would have missed out on four years, with never a dull moment I might add, of experiencing God’s mighty and miraculous work first hand. We would have missed the most amazing joyful little boy that you could ever imagine! We would have all missed out on growing spiritually in ways that before we did not even comprehend! We praise and thank God every day for His different direction and plan for the Clarke family!
In your family, in your home, in your church, in your work, in your school, in your decisions, in your finances, in your life…..do you always look for what appears to be the easiest, shortest path? Do you go to God and ask if it is His perfect plan or if He might have a different plan? He might have a plan where those around you will see that “He is Lord”! One of my favorite songs is “Open the Eyes of My Heart, Lord”. That is my prayer for my own life, the life of my family and for you; that we will be able to open our eyes to His will. His plans are always best!
I’m going to finish this blog post with a simple question – Are the eyes of you heart open to Him?
From my heart to yours,
Holly
Following is our Benjamin’s complete story and testimony so far. There is just no way to tell it quickly or make it short, so I decided to take the time to write it all down. If you have time to keep reading, please do. Our lives have truly been touched with a real miracle at the hand of our almighty God. It is such a joy to share and proclaim He is Lord!
Kip and I had been so very blessed to have three precious biological children. We never had any trouble at all conceiving; in fact we had our first three kiddos in 3½ years. We were so very thankful. For two out of my three pregnancies I spent multiple weeks on multiple occasions hospitalized. Then at home I was hooked up to an IV bag with a subclavian IV and fed TPN like a coma patient for the majority of my pregnant life. So needless to say, I had very sick pregnancies. God was so faithful and gave us beautiful and healthy children. He saw us through a very challenging time with great love, mercy and even joy!
So you would probably think we were done with pregnancy – Nope! We did have three amazing children, but in our hearts we knew God had something else planned. When our third child was just two, we decided to have a fourth child. You should have seen the look on my doctor’s face when I told him that I was going to get pregnant again. He said “You’re crazy, but who am I to discount what you feel the Lord telling you to do?’ My doc is a wonderful Christian man! So we proceeded forward not uttering a single word to our families, in fear that someone might come harm my sweet hubby! J None of our families wanted to see us ever go through the difficulties of my pregnancies again. Frankly, pregnancy was very dangerous for me. Kip and I prayed, knowing that we felt called to have another child, that God would make this pregnancy different – and boy did He! J After never having any trouble at all (we used to joke that if we turned off the lights, we got pregnant) we could not conceive. For almost two years we went through countless test, infertility medication and even a surgery with no real understanding of why God placed such a desire for a fourth child on our hearts, yet no baby. Then God revealed His perfect plan.
Kip was out of town on business and I was washing dishes, when the phone rang. It was an old familiar voice. Remember, our trying to conceive & our struggles were not public knowledge. This voice from the past said “You may think I’m crazy, but I can’t get you off my mind. Would you ever consider adopting a baby?” WOW – God’s plan was revealed as clearly as if He was on the other end of that phone. I called Kip, who was at the airport, and asked what He would think about having a baby in about nine weeks! The desire, the waiting, the not understanding, the praying…..it was all part of His bigger plan for us – His perfect plan! Here’s just a little side note - - The minute I hung up the phone that day I knew that our son’s name should be Benjamin (not a name that we had ever considered for our first three). Can you guess what it means? It means - youngest son at the right hand of the father - God is awesome!
Then a few short weeks later, we were able to be there when our beautiful baby boy was born! The last few weeks leading up to his arrival, I have to be honest, I wondered (really feared) if I would be able to love our fourth child with the same intensity that I love our first three. Well let me tell you, it was love at first sight! There I not one single ounce of difference! I forget that I did not carry him in my belly. I just carried him in my heart! God is so clear in His word –
He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ – Ephesians 1:5
Ben’s adoption has taught our entire family to understand even more fully who we are in Christ! He, the almighty God, has adopted us as His!
As we took our precious new baby boy in our arms with such great joy, we knew in our hearts that something was wrong. We had prepared ourselves that things would not be the same as if I had carried him, but we weren’t quite prepared emotionally for what was about to unfold. Our baby was rushed to the nearest NICU where went spent one of the most difficult weeks of our lives watching, praying, crying, rocking, singing and walking the halls of the NICU holding our newborn infant as he went through horrible withdrawals from serious drug and alcohol. There were even moments that we didn’t know if he was going to pull through. To helplessly hold your innocent newborn baby and watch him go through such a horrific trial was horrible! But, we knew then and know even more now, that God has a truly amazing testimony for our little Ben’s life!
Finally the day came when we were released make the drive home and take Ben home to meet his big sisters and big brother. It was a glorious day! No baby has ever been so loved and spoiled! Ben not only had two parents, he had three little parents too! J The next few months went along pretty quiet, well as quiet as it can be with a newborn, 8, 6 and 4½ year old! Then God really began revealing the true scope of our little Ben’s testimony. Ben was just four months old when he had his first massive seizure. Having never witnessed anything like this before, Kip and I were a little in shock and weren’t thinking very clearly. We were only a few minutes away from the hospital, so we just took off on our own to the ER rather than calling for help. By the time we reached the ER, Ben was totally grey and not breathing. We ran in and turned our baby over to the hospital staff. Within seconds, it felt like there were two dozen doctors and nurses working on our four month old baby. I’ll never forget these horrible things call IO IVs! They are this mid-evil looking big screw device that is screwed directly into the bone for immediate respiratory intervention. I’m sure my memory of it is much worse than reality, but I will never forget watching two of them being placed into each of our tiny baby’s legs and his lifelessness. The hospital placed him on life support and began making phone calls. Our pastor was called, our families were called, our pediatrician was called – our baby was not going to make it, he was gone. That day still feels like such a blur in my memory. Again, God was just adding to Ben’s incredible testimony. After 72 minutes on life support, our baby boy opened his eyes! Now, I can not even begin to understand what it feels like to lose your child. Seventy two minutes were the most horrible and painful minutes of my life. I know there are so many, too many who have not had their children open their eyes. My heart breaks for those parents and I do pray every single day for the countless that have not experienced the miracle that we were blessed with.
Thus begins our journey to Little Rock. Soon after Ben opened his eyes, he was life flighted to Arkansas Children’s Hospital. After countless test, days and waiting, we were told that Benjamin had significant brain damage due to what he had experienced in the womb. He had Cerebral Atrophy (shrunken areas of the brain) in three different areas as well as Hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain). We also learned that he had CP Epilepsy as well as some other more manageable health issues. As I felt my knees buckling underneath me, I will never forget a young neurologist looking at me saying “There is just not a lot of hope. I wouldn’t expect him to even be holding his head up by the age of two.” The multitude of doctors left the room and my sweet husband turned to me and said “They did not say the two most important words honey – BUT GOD”! As we tried to wrap our brains around what all was taking place, I still felt in my heart that the bad news wasn’t over yet. For several more days, Ben underwent more testing and could not kick a low temperature. We had wonderful doctors and love AR Children’s Hospital so very much, but I kept telling anyone and everyone who would listen that I just knew something was not right. After just about driving everyone who walked in the room crazy, a first year intern said “I think there might be something wrong with his stomach.” Shortly were on our way down for a CT scan of his abdomen. As soon as the elevators opened when we were returning to Ben’s room from the scan, the nurse met us and told us to turn around. Ben was having emergency surgery for an internal bleed. What felt like hours later, the doctor came into to the waiting room to tell us that Benjamin, at four months old, had a ruptured and gangrenous appendix. One of the areas in his brain affected by the Atrophy suppressed his ability to feel pain. We also learned that he is not a child that runs a fever, so the indicators just were simply not present. Again, we experienced first hand God’s miraculous hand!
About a week later we returned home, not knowing what the future would hold for our little Ben yet, we knew who held his future! We committed our son and our efforts for him to the Lord. Ben’s therapist began coming to our home weekly. We didn’t have any expectations; we just wanted to provide the best possibilities and opportunities for our child. We accepted that Ben’s life was just going to be different and that was okay. This is where we began to see God greater and perfect plan unfold! Do you remember when I said that we were told there was just not much hope? Ben is now 3½ and is a walking, talking, singing, dancing, joy filled example of HIS HOPE! Ben still faces many challenges from what he experienced in the womb and from ongoing health issues; but most who meet Ben would never guess the path he has walked. No matter what tomorrow holds, with every breath, every giggle, every step, every word, every moment of every day – Benjamin Wayne Clarke’s life proclaims – HE IS LORD!!!!
There have been some who have said “Good for you for adopting a child with special needs”. Our hearts and response will forever be - It is our lives and family that is forever changed and blessed because God’s plan brought Ben to us! I’ve said it a million times and I will say it a million more – Ben has taught us all far more than we could ever teach him! One of my dearest friends says “Ben may have been diagnosed with disabilities, but someone forgot to tell him.”
Thanks for taking the time to read our Ben’s story and for sharing with us, as we give God ALL the glory! HE IS LORD!!!!
In His love,
Holly
Wow – it’s funny how a few little words uttered from our three year old has me writing in a totally different direction than I had planned. We stayed home from church this morning because my honey & one of our little ones are sick. L In my Bible study this morning I was thinking about how blessed I am by my church family. Looking back over the years, joys and trials of my life; no matter where I have lived or what church family I have belonged to, my church family has always been such a solid strength in my life! I praise and thank God for my church family, my brothers and sisters in Christ! That’s the direction I thought I was writing in this morning but then something happened and I felt God say – time to get a little more personal!
What happened??? Benjamin Clarke happened!!!
This morning, Kip and I were sipping coffee, reading our bibles and enjoying hearing the children’s antics in the other room. Then our little Benjamin came running in, hopped in his daddy’s arms and said “Hold me daddy! Give me a big hug.”
I felt God speak to my heart and remind me of His miraculous and amazing grace in the life of our family. I am reminded of the story of Moses fleeing out Egypt. Exodus 13:17- 18a says “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” 18 So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea”.
Now imagine what might have happened if Moses had been listening to the people around him instead of God. I can just hear the conversation – “Moses, are you crazy? You’re going the wrong direction! There is a much shorter way! Come on, follow me! What are you thinking?........” Can’t you just imagine it? If Moses had listened to man’s wisdom instead of God’s, the Israelites would not have been trapped at the Red Sea with Pharaoh and his army at their heals. The parting of the red sea is one of my very favorite biblical events. “Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.” Exodus 14:21-22 I really can’t even begin to imagine what it was like to see the Red Sea begin to part! I’ve thought about that so many times. WOW! Then can you even fathom what it would be like to walk through a parted sea with all the creatures of the sea swimming beside you in the water? I think one of my favorite verses in this event is Exodus 14:18a “The Egyptians will know that I am the LORD”! God wanted the Israelites to go a different way; not the shortest or what they perceived to be the easiest way, because He had a plan to show His glory in and through the miracle of parting the Red Sea. It was His plan; not Moses’ plan, not the Israelites plan – God’s perfect plan!
So what does this have to do with the Clarke’s personal life, you might ask. Well, if you had told me four years ago that after having three biological children, that we would have a fourth via adoption; then that child would be born with serious complications and addictions to both drugs and alcohol; then that the baby would go on to actually die, placed on life support, be brought back and then life flighted to Arkansas Children’s Hospital; then that we would be told that baby would have life long brain damage and complications that would be extremely physically, emotionally and financially challenging; I think I might have said, “I don’t think so, I’m not strong enough.” My plan would have been to simply have a fourth child the good old fashion way and just continue life as usual. But what would I have missed? His Plan – God’s perfect plan! Our family would have missed out on four years, with never a dull moment I might add, of experiencing God’s mighty and miraculous work first hand. We would have missed the most amazing joyful little boy that you could ever imagine! We would have all missed out on growing spiritually in ways that before we did not even comprehend! We praise and thank God every day for His different direction and plan for the Clarke family!
In your family, in your home, in your church, in your work, in your school, in your decisions, in your finances, in your life…..do you always look for what appears to be the easiest, shortest path? Do you go to God and ask if it is His perfect plan or if He might have a different plan? He might have a plan where those around you will see that “He is Lord”! One of my favorite songs is “Open the Eyes of My Heart, Lord”. That is my prayer for my own life, the life of my family and for you; that we will be able to open our eyes to His will. His plans are always best!
I’m going to finish this blog post with a simple question – Are the eyes of you heart open to Him?
From my heart to yours,
Holly
Following is our Benjamin’s complete story and testimony so far. There is just no way to tell it quickly or make it short, so I decided to take the time to write it all down. If you have time to keep reading, please do. Our lives have truly been touched with a real miracle at the hand of our almighty God. It is such a joy to share and proclaim He is Lord!
Kip and I had been so very blessed to have three precious biological children. We never had any trouble at all conceiving; in fact we had our first three kiddos in 3½ years. We were so very thankful. For two out of my three pregnancies I spent multiple weeks on multiple occasions hospitalized. Then at home I was hooked up to an IV bag with a subclavian IV and fed TPN like a coma patient for the majority of my pregnant life. So needless to say, I had very sick pregnancies. God was so faithful and gave us beautiful and healthy children. He saw us through a very challenging time with great love, mercy and even joy!
So you would probably think we were done with pregnancy – Nope! We did have three amazing children, but in our hearts we knew God had something else planned. When our third child was just two, we decided to have a fourth child. You should have seen the look on my doctor’s face when I told him that I was going to get pregnant again. He said “You’re crazy, but who am I to discount what you feel the Lord telling you to do?’ My doc is a wonderful Christian man! So we proceeded forward not uttering a single word to our families, in fear that someone might come harm my sweet hubby! J None of our families wanted to see us ever go through the difficulties of my pregnancies again. Frankly, pregnancy was very dangerous for me. Kip and I prayed, knowing that we felt called to have another child, that God would make this pregnancy different – and boy did He! J After never having any trouble at all (we used to joke that if we turned off the lights, we got pregnant) we could not conceive. For almost two years we went through countless test, infertility medication and even a surgery with no real understanding of why God placed such a desire for a fourth child on our hearts, yet no baby. Then God revealed His perfect plan.
Kip was out of town on business and I was washing dishes, when the phone rang. It was an old familiar voice. Remember, our trying to conceive & our struggles were not public knowledge. This voice from the past said “You may think I’m crazy, but I can’t get you off my mind. Would you ever consider adopting a baby?” WOW – God’s plan was revealed as clearly as if He was on the other end of that phone. I called Kip, who was at the airport, and asked what He would think about having a baby in about nine weeks! The desire, the waiting, the not understanding, the praying…..it was all part of His bigger plan for us – His perfect plan! Here’s just a little side note - - The minute I hung up the phone that day I knew that our son’s name should be Benjamin (not a name that we had ever considered for our first three). Can you guess what it means? It means - youngest son at the right hand of the father - God is awesome!
Then a few short weeks later, we were able to be there when our beautiful baby boy was born! The last few weeks leading up to his arrival, I have to be honest, I wondered (really feared) if I would be able to love our fourth child with the same intensity that I love our first three. Well let me tell you, it was love at first sight! There I not one single ounce of difference! I forget that I did not carry him in my belly. I just carried him in my heart! God is so clear in His word –
He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ – Ephesians 1:5
Ben’s adoption has taught our entire family to understand even more fully who we are in Christ! He, the almighty God, has adopted us as His!
As we took our precious new baby boy in our arms with such great joy, we knew in our hearts that something was wrong. We had prepared ourselves that things would not be the same as if I had carried him, but we weren’t quite prepared emotionally for what was about to unfold. Our baby was rushed to the nearest NICU where went spent one of the most difficult weeks of our lives watching, praying, crying, rocking, singing and walking the halls of the NICU holding our newborn infant as he went through horrible withdrawals from serious drug and alcohol. There were even moments that we didn’t know if he was going to pull through. To helplessly hold your innocent newborn baby and watch him go through such a horrific trial was horrible! But, we knew then and know even more now, that God has a truly amazing testimony for our little Ben’s life!
Finally the day came when we were released make the drive home and take Ben home to meet his big sisters and big brother. It was a glorious day! No baby has ever been so loved and spoiled! Ben not only had two parents, he had three little parents too! J The next few months went along pretty quiet, well as quiet as it can be with a newborn, 8, 6 and 4½ year old! Then God really began revealing the true scope of our little Ben’s testimony. Ben was just four months old when he had his first massive seizure. Having never witnessed anything like this before, Kip and I were a little in shock and weren’t thinking very clearly. We were only a few minutes away from the hospital, so we just took off on our own to the ER rather than calling for help. By the time we reached the ER, Ben was totally grey and not breathing. We ran in and turned our baby over to the hospital staff. Within seconds, it felt like there were two dozen doctors and nurses working on our four month old baby. I’ll never forget these horrible things call IO IVs! They are this mid-evil looking big screw device that is screwed directly into the bone for immediate respiratory intervention. I’m sure my memory of it is much worse than reality, but I will never forget watching two of them being placed into each of our tiny baby’s legs and his lifelessness. The hospital placed him on life support and began making phone calls. Our pastor was called, our families were called, our pediatrician was called – our baby was not going to make it, he was gone. That day still feels like such a blur in my memory. Again, God was just adding to Ben’s incredible testimony. After 72 minutes on life support, our baby boy opened his eyes! Now, I can not even begin to understand what it feels like to lose your child. Seventy two minutes were the most horrible and painful minutes of my life. I know there are so many, too many who have not had their children open their eyes. My heart breaks for those parents and I do pray every single day for the countless that have not experienced the miracle that we were blessed with.
Thus begins our journey to Little Rock. Soon after Ben opened his eyes, he was life flighted to Arkansas Children’s Hospital. After countless test, days and waiting, we were told that Benjamin had significant brain damage due to what he had experienced in the womb. He had Cerebral Atrophy (shrunken areas of the brain) in three different areas as well as Hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain). We also learned that he had CP Epilepsy as well as some other more manageable health issues. As I felt my knees buckling underneath me, I will never forget a young neurologist looking at me saying “There is just not a lot of hope. I wouldn’t expect him to even be holding his head up by the age of two.” The multitude of doctors left the room and my sweet husband turned to me and said “They did not say the two most important words honey – BUT GOD”! As we tried to wrap our brains around what all was taking place, I still felt in my heart that the bad news wasn’t over yet. For several more days, Ben underwent more testing and could not kick a low temperature. We had wonderful doctors and love AR Children’s Hospital so very much, but I kept telling anyone and everyone who would listen that I just knew something was not right. After just about driving everyone who walked in the room crazy, a first year intern said “I think there might be something wrong with his stomach.” Shortly were on our way down for a CT scan of his abdomen. As soon as the elevators opened when we were returning to Ben’s room from the scan, the nurse met us and told us to turn around. Ben was having emergency surgery for an internal bleed. What felt like hours later, the doctor came into to the waiting room to tell us that Benjamin, at four months old, had a ruptured and gangrenous appendix. One of the areas in his brain affected by the Atrophy suppressed his ability to feel pain. We also learned that he is not a child that runs a fever, so the indicators just were simply not present. Again, we experienced first hand God’s miraculous hand!
About a week later we returned home, not knowing what the future would hold for our little Ben yet, we knew who held his future! We committed our son and our efforts for him to the Lord. Ben’s therapist began coming to our home weekly. We didn’t have any expectations; we just wanted to provide the best possibilities and opportunities for our child. We accepted that Ben’s life was just going to be different and that was okay. This is where we began to see God greater and perfect plan unfold! Do you remember when I said that we were told there was just not much hope? Ben is now 3½ and is a walking, talking, singing, dancing, joy filled example of HIS HOPE! Ben still faces many challenges from what he experienced in the womb and from ongoing health issues; but most who meet Ben would never guess the path he has walked. No matter what tomorrow holds, with every breath, every giggle, every step, every word, every moment of every day – Benjamin Wayne Clarke’s life proclaims – HE IS LORD!!!!
There have been some who have said “Good for you for adopting a child with special needs”. Our hearts and response will forever be - It is our lives and family that is forever changed and blessed because God’s plan brought Ben to us! I’ve said it a million times and I will say it a million more – Ben has taught us all far more than we could ever teach him! One of my dearest friends says “Ben may have been diagnosed with disabilities, but someone forgot to tell him.”
Thanks for taking the time to read our Ben’s story and for sharing with us, as we give God ALL the glory! HE IS LORD!!!!
In His love,
Holly
Friday, February 4, 2011
I'm Singing in the Snow!
I’m singing in the snow! Yes, I said snow, no rain, just snow and lots of it! Can you even believe all the areas that have been hit this week with snow and ice storms? It’s crazy, isn’t it? Last night when I heard on the news that Corpus Christi, Texas and Lake Charles, Louisiana schools were closed for a “snow day” I was stunned! That’s the Deep South my friends!
What’s really funny to me though is listening to everyone’s comments about this storm. A lot of the people, who have the snow, don’t want it. The people that don’t have it, really want it! Here in NW Arkansas we have a ton of it, at least by our standards. In my own yard, depending on where you measure, it is anywhere from 9”to 12”. Now there is more snow coming down today and more predicted for Sunday and Monday. Today is our 4th snow day off from school this week and only the Lord knows what next week will hold. I LOVE having our four kiddos home & our snow days together. The days haven’t been without chaos, sibling rivalry, humongo messes and lots of just good old busy-ness. To be honest, at times it has been a little difficult. With four children, it takes 30 minutes to get everybody dressed in all their snow gear to only go out for just a little bit because it’s sooooo cold. Then, trying to keep everyone from tracking snow onto the hardwood floors is a fulltime job all by itself. BUT, would I change a single thing about these days with our kiddos? Absolutely not! Having four children that range between the ages of 11 & 3 comes with challenges; but the joy outweighs the challenges 100 times over!
This snow and these snow days were not in my plan. We had our weekly schedule all laid out. Our children had lots of weekly school activities, extra-curricular activities, school clubs, they all had their books of the Bible & verses memorized and ready for Wednesday night Awana, Kip had people flying in from all over for work meetings, I had some really neat lesson plans laid out for my classroom kiddos…….the list could go on & on! But, God had different plans! I could gripe & complain about all that was “messed” up by all this snow or I can choose to see what God has for me at home this week with my family! It’s a choice, it’s my choice!
"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9
So what would I have missed out on this week if my plans had been my path?
- Extra snuggle time with my honey, hot cocoa & baking cookies with my kiddos, beautiful paper snowflakes to cover the front windows, deep conversations with our 9 year old about who she is in Christ, discussions about where our inner beauty comes from with our 11 year old, make-overs with the girls, wrestling matches with the boys, tents in the living room, snowmen, snow forts, sledding down our crazy driveway, snowball fights, doctoring booboos from snowball fights, snow ice cream, extra Bible reading time with our children, sipping hot tea at 9:00 in the morning and reading God’s word for as long as my heart desired . . . . . I could go on & on!
I would have missed making MEMORIES!
Now, would I change a thing so that all I had planned would have taken place?
NOT FOR ALL THE TEA IN CHINA! :-)
So, my challenge for this snowy Friday is – STOP and take time to enjoy where the Lord has you today! It may not be what you had planned. It might not be snow or weather that has changed your plans; it might even be sickness or trial. But none the less, your plans have changed. Why not try to look for the steps that the Lord has established for you? If you don’t, you could miss out on the blessings and lessons He has planned for you this day! I know that His way is ALWAYS better than mine!!!!! So for today, I’m singing in the unplanned blessing of snow; will you join me?
From my heart to yours,
Holly
What’s really funny to me though is listening to everyone’s comments about this storm. A lot of the people, who have the snow, don’t want it. The people that don’t have it, really want it! Here in NW Arkansas we have a ton of it, at least by our standards. In my own yard, depending on where you measure, it is anywhere from 9”to 12”. Now there is more snow coming down today and more predicted for Sunday and Monday. Today is our 4th snow day off from school this week and only the Lord knows what next week will hold. I LOVE having our four kiddos home & our snow days together. The days haven’t been without chaos, sibling rivalry, humongo messes and lots of just good old busy-ness. To be honest, at times it has been a little difficult. With four children, it takes 30 minutes to get everybody dressed in all their snow gear to only go out for just a little bit because it’s sooooo cold. Then, trying to keep everyone from tracking snow onto the hardwood floors is a fulltime job all by itself. BUT, would I change a single thing about these days with our kiddos? Absolutely not! Having four children that range between the ages of 11 & 3 comes with challenges; but the joy outweighs the challenges 100 times over!
This snow and these snow days were not in my plan. We had our weekly schedule all laid out. Our children had lots of weekly school activities, extra-curricular activities, school clubs, they all had their books of the Bible & verses memorized and ready for Wednesday night Awana, Kip had people flying in from all over for work meetings, I had some really neat lesson plans laid out for my classroom kiddos…….the list could go on & on! But, God had different plans! I could gripe & complain about all that was “messed” up by all this snow or I can choose to see what God has for me at home this week with my family! It’s a choice, it’s my choice!
"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9
So what would I have missed out on this week if my plans had been my path?
- Extra snuggle time with my honey, hot cocoa & baking cookies with my kiddos, beautiful paper snowflakes to cover the front windows, deep conversations with our 9 year old about who she is in Christ, discussions about where our inner beauty comes from with our 11 year old, make-overs with the girls, wrestling matches with the boys, tents in the living room, snowmen, snow forts, sledding down our crazy driveway, snowball fights, doctoring booboos from snowball fights, snow ice cream, extra Bible reading time with our children, sipping hot tea at 9:00 in the morning and reading God’s word for as long as my heart desired . . . . . I could go on & on!
I would have missed making MEMORIES!
Now, would I change a thing so that all I had planned would have taken place?
NOT FOR ALL THE TEA IN CHINA! :-)
So, my challenge for this snowy Friday is – STOP and take time to enjoy where the Lord has you today! It may not be what you had planned. It might not be snow or weather that has changed your plans; it might even be sickness or trial. But none the less, your plans have changed. Why not try to look for the steps that the Lord has established for you? If you don’t, you could miss out on the blessings and lessons He has planned for you this day! I know that His way is ALWAYS better than mine!!!!! So for today, I’m singing in the unplanned blessing of snow; will you join me?
From my heart to yours,
Holly
Thursday, February 3, 2011
It's Time to Begin!
Well it’s time, but where do I begin??? I guess I’ll start with what has me here writing today. This first post might be lengthy, but please read on and bear with me as I share my heart with you.
Recently a childhood friend of mine experienced the very tragic loss of her husband. It was tragedy that we in our humanness cannot begin to understand and can’t wrap our brains around! I never had the privilege of meeting this amazing man of God, yet, everything I have read before and after his going home to be the Lord, has been incredibly inspiring. He leaves behind a beautiful wife, who is an amazing reflection of God’s beauty & grace and two precious children! He was a pastor that gave his daily life to serving his Savior with great passion! His wife is still touching lives every second of every day with the strength of her faith and the testimony of her life! Again, this is one of those tragedies that is beyond understanding, but for those of us who are held in our heavenly Father’s hand, we have the assurance that He not only understands but has an amazing plan for us!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
So, what does this have to do with why I am writing today? For many years now, I have felt the call on my life to write. I can not even begin to express how inadequate I feel to write anything to anyone, but I do know that it is a calling from my Lord. I am writing because my Father does have a plan for me and it is He that I need to trust to write through me.
“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service.” 1 Timothy 1:21
The death of my friend’s husband was a really big wake up call to me. No matter how we live our lives, no matter what we give, or what we believe; we ALL will one day pass from this earth. No one has the promise of one more minute. In Hebrews 9:27 the Bible says “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment.” Only the Lord knows our last breath. My life is His and for His service but just because I live a life devoted to serving, worshiping and honoring Him, doesn’t mean I am going to live to a ripe old age. So, for years I have felt this call on my life to write – what have I been waiting on? Maybe I’ve been waiting on more confidence, more knowledge, and more life experience – maybe? But, who am I to think that the Almighty God can not work through me and my lacking? He, who calls me, will equip me!!!
It’s almost comical that of all people, I am waiting on more life experiences! God has allowed me to travel a very interesting path. I have climbed many mountain peaks and walked through many valleys in my almost (Yes, I’m clinging to the last few months :-) 40 years of life. I can tell you one thing for sure; the Lord has been with me every single step of the way! I’ve been blessed beyond my wildest dreams and have faced some very dark days. He HAS given me a testimony and this IS the time to walk in obedience and open my heart & life through writing. So - - now IS THE TIME TO BEGIN!
So, begins my blog! I have written here and there but never really shared much! I can tell you that I still feel so inadequate and will be facing my insecurities head on, but I will walk in His grace and share my heart. I’m not sure how often or what I will be sharing, but as I begin on this journey, I invite you to walk with me. His faithfulness in my life is really mind blowing!!! The Lord has given me a pretty amazing story and it’s time to share it! So here we go…………we’ll see where it leads!
Anyone who has known me for any length of time, knows my favorite verse:
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
I claim this verse, pray this verse and share this verse all the time! To think that the one and only mighty God and creator of the universe holds me in His righteous right hand is mind boggling!!!! He is with me at all times! He is with you at all times! He has held me through the good and the bad! He has held me in the happy and the sad! He says “do not fear” for He is with me! Me – really me, with all my inabilities & insecurities – He loves me enough to hold me in His hand! WOW!
I have been quite long winded with this “explanation”, so thank you for reading on! I couldn’t begin to share my heart and story with you though, if I didn’t share first the core of who I am! My core is Jesus Christ! I am the person I am today because of His great love, grace and mercy in my life!
Do you KNOW, and I mean really KNOW, that God almighty, the King of Kings, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End of everything; created YOU in His own image! He KNOWS the number of hairs on your head! He KNOWS your innermost thoughts and dreams! He KNOWS your joys and your sorrows! He KNOWS what you are dealing with or facing today and even better yet – He LOVES you and CARES!
HE KNOWS YOU!!!!! - - - - - - - - - - - - DO YOU KNOW HIM?
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
He gave His son for you and for me, so that we can have eternal life in paradise with Him! There is no way but through Christ to get to heaven! We could never do anything, be anything or give anything great enough to get into heaven on our own! So with great love God made a way! He sent His one and only Son to this earth to take on our sin, die on a cross, and be buried in an earthly tomb to then RISE on the third day! Jesus didn’t have to choose the cross, but He loves us so much that he suffered for our sins! He conquered death and the grave, so that we can have eternal life with Him! The gift of eternal salvation through Him cost you absolutely nothing and once it’s received, no one can EVER take it away! He is right here, right now, waiting for you with arms open wide! He wants to hold you in His righteous right hand and carry you through all the mountain tops and valleys of your life! All you have to do is ask and you will receive Him!
If you know Him, my question for you is, are you really living your life trusting Him for everything? Are you resting in His hand or are you unsettled and wiggling around? Remember, He has conquered death and the grave to save the souls of man! He walks every step of this life with you! He is for you and not against you – so do not fear my friend! God does not promise a perfect life here on this earth, but He does promise to never leave you or forsake you! Are you giving Him all that He deserves of your heart, time and life? I challenge you as I have challenged myself, to take inventory of your spiritual walk. Where are you now? Where do you want to be? Where are you going?
SO…….
As I begin this new journey, I can’t promise perfection – surely there will be grammatical errors, misspellings, and ramblings & even “rabbit chasing” at times; but I do promise that I will share my heart as God leads through this blog! I’ve “started” writing so many times, but this time I am stepping out in faith with great vulnerability as I begin to share my story & testimony. Sometimes I will laugh, sometimes I will cry, but at all times I commit to share as He leads! I would love some friends to walk this journey with me and give me any input along the way, so here’s your invitation!
In my Savior’s sweet and precious love,
Holly
P.S. Please remember Penny and her two children in your prayers! She is an amazing lady who loves the Lord with her whole heart! Her strength in her husband’s passing has amazed me, challenged me and blessed me! She continues to minister to others in an incredible way through her grief! God commands us to love one another, so please lift her and her children up to Him every time her story comes to your mind! Thank you!
Recently a childhood friend of mine experienced the very tragic loss of her husband. It was tragedy that we in our humanness cannot begin to understand and can’t wrap our brains around! I never had the privilege of meeting this amazing man of God, yet, everything I have read before and after his going home to be the Lord, has been incredibly inspiring. He leaves behind a beautiful wife, who is an amazing reflection of God’s beauty & grace and two precious children! He was a pastor that gave his daily life to serving his Savior with great passion! His wife is still touching lives every second of every day with the strength of her faith and the testimony of her life! Again, this is one of those tragedies that is beyond understanding, but for those of us who are held in our heavenly Father’s hand, we have the assurance that He not only understands but has an amazing plan for us!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
So, what does this have to do with why I am writing today? For many years now, I have felt the call on my life to write. I can not even begin to express how inadequate I feel to write anything to anyone, but I do know that it is a calling from my Lord. I am writing because my Father does have a plan for me and it is He that I need to trust to write through me.
“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service.” 1 Timothy 1:21
The death of my friend’s husband was a really big wake up call to me. No matter how we live our lives, no matter what we give, or what we believe; we ALL will one day pass from this earth. No one has the promise of one more minute. In Hebrews 9:27 the Bible says “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment.” Only the Lord knows our last breath. My life is His and for His service but just because I live a life devoted to serving, worshiping and honoring Him, doesn’t mean I am going to live to a ripe old age. So, for years I have felt this call on my life to write – what have I been waiting on? Maybe I’ve been waiting on more confidence, more knowledge, and more life experience – maybe? But, who am I to think that the Almighty God can not work through me and my lacking? He, who calls me, will equip me!!!
It’s almost comical that of all people, I am waiting on more life experiences! God has allowed me to travel a very interesting path. I have climbed many mountain peaks and walked through many valleys in my almost (Yes, I’m clinging to the last few months :-) 40 years of life. I can tell you one thing for sure; the Lord has been with me every single step of the way! I’ve been blessed beyond my wildest dreams and have faced some very dark days. He HAS given me a testimony and this IS the time to walk in obedience and open my heart & life through writing. So - - now IS THE TIME TO BEGIN!
So, begins my blog! I have written here and there but never really shared much! I can tell you that I still feel so inadequate and will be facing my insecurities head on, but I will walk in His grace and share my heart. I’m not sure how often or what I will be sharing, but as I begin on this journey, I invite you to walk with me. His faithfulness in my life is really mind blowing!!! The Lord has given me a pretty amazing story and it’s time to share it! So here we go…………we’ll see where it leads!
Anyone who has known me for any length of time, knows my favorite verse:
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
I claim this verse, pray this verse and share this verse all the time! To think that the one and only mighty God and creator of the universe holds me in His righteous right hand is mind boggling!!!! He is with me at all times! He is with you at all times! He has held me through the good and the bad! He has held me in the happy and the sad! He says “do not fear” for He is with me! Me – really me, with all my inabilities & insecurities – He loves me enough to hold me in His hand! WOW!
I have been quite long winded with this “explanation”, so thank you for reading on! I couldn’t begin to share my heart and story with you though, if I didn’t share first the core of who I am! My core is Jesus Christ! I am the person I am today because of His great love, grace and mercy in my life!
Do you KNOW, and I mean really KNOW, that God almighty, the King of Kings, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End of everything; created YOU in His own image! He KNOWS the number of hairs on your head! He KNOWS your innermost thoughts and dreams! He KNOWS your joys and your sorrows! He KNOWS what you are dealing with or facing today and even better yet – He LOVES you and CARES!
HE KNOWS YOU!!!!! - - - - - - - - - - - - DO YOU KNOW HIM?
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
He gave His son for you and for me, so that we can have eternal life in paradise with Him! There is no way but through Christ to get to heaven! We could never do anything, be anything or give anything great enough to get into heaven on our own! So with great love God made a way! He sent His one and only Son to this earth to take on our sin, die on a cross, and be buried in an earthly tomb to then RISE on the third day! Jesus didn’t have to choose the cross, but He loves us so much that he suffered for our sins! He conquered death and the grave, so that we can have eternal life with Him! The gift of eternal salvation through Him cost you absolutely nothing and once it’s received, no one can EVER take it away! He is right here, right now, waiting for you with arms open wide! He wants to hold you in His righteous right hand and carry you through all the mountain tops and valleys of your life! All you have to do is ask and you will receive Him!
If you know Him, my question for you is, are you really living your life trusting Him for everything? Are you resting in His hand or are you unsettled and wiggling around? Remember, He has conquered death and the grave to save the souls of man! He walks every step of this life with you! He is for you and not against you – so do not fear my friend! God does not promise a perfect life here on this earth, but He does promise to never leave you or forsake you! Are you giving Him all that He deserves of your heart, time and life? I challenge you as I have challenged myself, to take inventory of your spiritual walk. Where are you now? Where do you want to be? Where are you going?
SO…….
As I begin this new journey, I can’t promise perfection – surely there will be grammatical errors, misspellings, and ramblings & even “rabbit chasing” at times; but I do promise that I will share my heart as God leads through this blog! I’ve “started” writing so many times, but this time I am stepping out in faith with great vulnerability as I begin to share my story & testimony. Sometimes I will laugh, sometimes I will cry, but at all times I commit to share as He leads! I would love some friends to walk this journey with me and give me any input along the way, so here’s your invitation!
In my Savior’s sweet and precious love,
Holly
P.S. Please remember Penny and her two children in your prayers! She is an amazing lady who loves the Lord with her whole heart! Her strength in her husband’s passing has amazed me, challenged me and blessed me! She continues to minister to others in an incredible way through her grief! God commands us to love one another, so please lift her and her children up to Him every time her story comes to your mind! Thank you!
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